Time is precious, wouldn't we all agree? Something I read a long time ago was that we can tell what is important to us, by the number of hours we spend on it. Is God important? Do we spend time with him? Are our children important? How much time do we spend with them? Is work #1? How many hours are spent at the office? Is Facebook important? If we add up all the little blurbs of time we spend 'just checking', how many hours is that? Often we think there are things we'd like to do, but feel like we don't have time. But I said that once to someone, as the reason why I don't change my oil in my car often enough, but she said, "Everyone has time. It's just a matter of how you prioritize it. So if something is truly important do you, you'd make the time for it." I've thought about that a lot as I complain about 'not having time for something.'
Of course, quantity of time isn't everything, but it does say a lot about what our priorities are. In the past, when we had some down time, the kids' first thought was, "Let's use the iPad!" or "Let's play Minecraft!". I agree we all need down time, and sometimes, something mind-numbing is just the thing to relax after a busy day. But when screens became the first and only thing that came to time, that's when things felt out-of-whack. It starts out as "Oh, I just want to check something on my game". Then it becomes, "Let me finish this level." Then it becomes, "Just one more." Before you know it, it was 2 hours! Are the games THAT important in our lives that we need to spend hours on it? How much time was killed in that process? Time that could have been spent outdoors, or reading a book, or conversing, or doing a project together, spending time together as a family or one-on-one, rather than by themselves immersed in an virtual world.
With our break from screens (it's been almost 1.5 months, I think), the kids have re-discovered forts, Legos, stuffed animals, books, board games, hula hooping, and dancing around the house. I do let them play on weekend mornings, while we catch up on some sleep, so they're not 'deprived' (but honestly, I see almost an immediate change in attitude afterwards- they are short-tempered, and oppositional when they get off the screens after we wake up). But during the week, they've had minimal screen time, so they have to fill their time with other things. The begging for screens has stopped. Instead, they'll say, "Mom, read! Read another chapter!" or "Can we go to the park?" I love this!
Of course, this does mean we as parents, are spending more time with the kids, and that's not a bad thing. Given that we are so busy much of the week, it's nice to be able to spend more time with them, building memories. But yes, we do need to get something done once in a while without the kids underfoot, and screens used to be my go-to plan for keeping them busy while I cooked dinner or did some work. But there ARE other options-reading, hands-on toys, listening to music, writing stories, and drawing. The kids have gotten pretty good at going to those now. It does mean a few interruptions when they start fighting about the game their playing, or needing my help in finding supplies, or maybe they're just on each other's nerves that day and bicker about everything, and it's really tempting to just put on a video, or give them separate devices and have them go to their room and play separate games, but I'm really trying to avoid that. So rather than just killing time while I'm busy, I want them to be actively engaged in doing something.
This is still a work in progress, so yes, sometimes, I will let them play a round of Minion Rush mid-week, and yes, sometimes I need to be on a conference call, and I just don't have the time to negotiate a battle so I let them watch an episode of something, but I always set a limit now, whether by time, or by level, or by episode. And we do watch movies together sometimes, and I think it would be fun to play a multi-player game all together too sometimes! So no, we're not anti-technology, just anti-technology-addiction.
With the spring weather coming, I'm looking forward to talking walks outside, drawing with sidewalk chalk, jump roping, and gardening and other ways to fill our down time.
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Monday, February 17, 2014
Distracting TVs in Restaurants
We went out to a local chain restaurant and I have to say, I was really annoyed by the prevalence of TV screens ALL over! Well, I'm not so annoyed that they have the screens, I think people go there to watch sporting events so it makes sense to have them, but just annoyed at the fact that it really intruded upon family time. You'd think that if you went out to dinner together, you'd spend time talking together, but instead, the kids were glued to whichever TV faced their direction, and could barely take their eyes off the TV(couldn't hear what was being said on the TV though). No matter what way you sat, there was always a screen facing that direction. Oh well, we let them watch a bit.
Friday, February 14, 2014
Progress
So it's been almost 2 weeks of this break from electronics, and I think we've made a lot of progress. By the beginning of this week, T had come to accept that he wasn't going to be playing his games, so he found other things to do, and didn't ask for it. E continued to ask for it a few times, but was a lot less persistent than last week. One day, I was pleasantly surprised to see that they started a game of Battleship together after school! Another day, T spent hours working on an Erector Set, which previously, he couldn't spend more than 20-30 minutes on, before he got impatient and lost interest. They had a couple playdates, and I loved that they went out and played in the snow, and built with Lincoln Logs, and just generally played together. There was one playdate that T really wanted to play a certain game with his friend, and I was going to allow it, as a "special occasion", but then turns out the friend had been grounded from electronics for a week anyway! I did allow T to show his friend something on a game briefly, since T was looking forward to some game time with his friend so much, but they also did plenty of "real world" play.
They spent a lot of time this past week reading, both on their own and with us reading to them aloud. We've always loved reading to them, and now we're getting into longer and longer books. We have so many books we want to read with them, many which are classics, that we never read ourselves (like The Jungle Book, Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, Treasure Island). This past week, we read Mysteries According to Humphrey, Tales of the Restoration, Owls in the Family, and a little bit of Little Britches. I feel like I'm discovering a whole new world of books that I never read! We also had 2 snow days, so they spent a lot of time playing out in the snow, building forts, shoveling, throwing snowballs, and sledding.
T said to me, "I think my addiction is broken. I'm doing things that I didn't do before and I'm enjoying them." I think we've made a lot of progress, and I think we've made our point pretty clear to them, but whether or not they will continue to be OK with choosing something else over electronics, when there isn't a ban on them, remains to be seen.
They spent a lot of time this past week reading, both on their own and with us reading to them aloud. We've always loved reading to them, and now we're getting into longer and longer books. We have so many books we want to read with them, many which are classics, that we never read ourselves (like The Jungle Book, Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan, Treasure Island). This past week, we read Mysteries According to Humphrey, Tales of the Restoration, Owls in the Family, and a little bit of Little Britches. I feel like I'm discovering a whole new world of books that I never read! We also had 2 snow days, so they spent a lot of time playing out in the snow, building forts, shoveling, throwing snowballs, and sledding.
T said to me, "I think my addiction is broken. I'm doing things that I didn't do before and I'm enjoying them." I think we've made a lot of progress, and I think we've made our point pretty clear to them, but whether or not they will continue to be OK with choosing something else over electronics, when there isn't a ban on them, remains to be seen.
100 Things to Do
We finally finished our list of 100 ideas of things to do close by the house that don't require electronics. I had to limit it to things close by, since we don't always have the time to go out someplace.
1.
Read a book
2.
Play in the snow
3.
Play outside
4.
Draw a picture
5.
Make a fabric craft
6.
Build a fort
7.
Practice piano/guitar
8.
Talk a walk
9.
Play with bunnies
10.
Have a playdate
11.
Clean up a room
12.
Sort/organize something
13.
Write a story or poem
14.
Play with stuffed animals
15.
Build an outdoor fort with sticks
16.
Sweep the floor/vacuum
17.
Learn something new
18.
Eat snacks
19.
Bake something
20.
Juggle
21.
Legos
22.
Plan an event
23.
Make a play
24.
Play board games
25.
Sing a song
26.
Look for wildlife
27.
Look through photo album
28.
Make shadow puppets
29.
Invent something
30.
Do a puzzle
31.
Make a card
32.
Write a letter
33.
Paint
34.
Exercise
35.
Play tag
36.
Hide and seek
37.
Look at the sky
38.
Talk to someone
39.
Pray
40.
Hug someone
41.
Do an experiment
42.
Practice math skills
43.
Do homework
44.
Knit
45.
Play with Calico Critters or Action
Figures
46.
Do a project
47.
Memorize something
48.
Practice your aim
49.
Fix your bed
50.
Swing set
51.
Scooter
52.
Bike
53.
Take a nap
54.
Play card games
55.
Make a restaurant
56.
Cook something
57.
Decorate something
58.
Take a bath
59.
Count your blessings
60.
Plant/tend a garden
61.
Paper airplanes
62.
Erector set
63.
Marble tracks
64.
Dominos
65.
Build a castle
66.
Play in a tent
67.
Practice Tae Kwon Do
68.
Color
69.
Draw a maze
70.
Make a word search
71.
Work on flag book
72.
Where’s Waldo?
73.
Scavenger Hunt
74.
Make up a game
75.
Play with Star Wars characters
76.
Water play
77.
Blow bubbles
78.
Sidewalk chalk
79.
Read the Bible
80.
Do something nice for someone else
81.
Play Sudoku
82.
Make bracelets
83.
Rainbow Loom
84.
Think
85.
Plan a surprise
86.
Jump rope
87.
Wash dishes
88.
Pack up recycling
89.
Listen to music
90.
Dress up in costumes
91.
Sword/lightsaber fight
92.
Practice cartwheels
93.
Have a picnic
94.
Play 20 questions
95.
Start a collection
96.
Dust
97.
Wrestle
98.
Sew
99.
Go to the park/playground
100. Make a list
Monday, February 10, 2014
Rules, or the Lack Thereof
Eventually, I would love to get to a point where I don't have to set up rules for electronic use. Ideally, it would be one of many equally appealing options for leisure or education. It would not be restricted, in the same way that I wouldn't restrict how long they can read for or how many hours they can play with Legos. I'm not sure that is possible, but for us, it's not about becoming completely free from ALL screens, but just free from the dependency and addiction to screens.
The problem with rules, is that the kids will obsess over it and it just causes more headache. If they have a set time limit, they'll start arguing that they went to the bathroom, so that shouldn't couldn't toward the time limit. If they don't use EVERY minute of the available allotment, they want to carry over the minutes. If there's no carryover, they want to use it all, rather than doing something else. If I say that educational purposes don't count toward the limit, they will argue that some game is really educational. If it I say only after homework and music practice is done, they will rush through it, and not give a good effort. If I declare screen free periods or days, they'll spend a whole lot of time on the non-screen-free time periods.
If they use screens responsibly, there would be no need for rules. And therefore, there would be no annoying negotiation or legalistic adherence to arbitrary rules. I don't know...is this a crazy idea? I think we first have to break the obsession. T is doing pretty well now, E had multiple screaming fits over the weekend about the unfairness of what we are doing. But today, I was so happy to see them playing Battleship together while I cooked dinner, and there was no attempt to convince me that I should just let them use the iPad while I cooked. Progress!
The problem with rules, is that the kids will obsess over it and it just causes more headache. If they have a set time limit, they'll start arguing that they went to the bathroom, so that shouldn't couldn't toward the time limit. If they don't use EVERY minute of the available allotment, they want to carry over the minutes. If there's no carryover, they want to use it all, rather than doing something else. If I say that educational purposes don't count toward the limit, they will argue that some game is really educational. If it I say only after homework and music practice is done, they will rush through it, and not give a good effort. If I declare screen free periods or days, they'll spend a whole lot of time on the non-screen-free time periods.
If they use screens responsibly, there would be no need for rules. And therefore, there would be no annoying negotiation or legalistic adherence to arbitrary rules. I don't know...is this a crazy idea? I think we first have to break the obsession. T is doing pretty well now, E had multiple screaming fits over the weekend about the unfairness of what we are doing. But today, I was so happy to see them playing Battleship together while I cooked dinner, and there was no attempt to convince me that I should just let them use the iPad while I cooked. Progress!
10 Reasons
Every couple of hours, we get asked, 'Can I use the iPad now?' It starts out as a simple question, then becomes begging, then becomes complaining, then negotiating ("I JUST want to show my friend this ONE game","I'll ONLY collect my coins"), then attempts at reasoning...T pulled the Give-me-10-good-reasons-why-I-shouldn't-use-the-iPad on me today. I started with 1. You think you'll play just for 10 minutes, but EVERY time, you won't put it down when the time is up. 2. You can do something else right now. 3. I want you to learn patience. He stopped listening at that point, but it gave me a chance to think about what my reasons are (and whether there really are 10 good reasons) for reducing our screen-time usage. So I started compiling, and here's my reasons:
1. I'd like to clear up time for them to do other things besides video games. When their free time only amounts to about 1-3 hours a day, (not consecutive hours either) with school work, activities, meals, personal hygiene, errands, helping around the house, social events, etc., screen time can fill up a big chunk of that 'free' time. When else would they have time to explore other games, toys, books, and interaction?
2. I would rather they have more than one way to handle boredom/down-time/entertainment. Electronic devices have become the default answer to 'What are we going to do next?' I'm not saying they never read or play outside, but 80-90% of the time, when there is free time, they'll reach for a video game.
3. It's too addictive. Games can go on FOREVER. There's always more coins to gather, more levels to reach, higher scores to attain, one more building to build. It's hard to stop, I know. They get so addicted that they can't put it down, after I repeatedly tell them to stop, until I'm so frustrated, and they're mad at me for making them get off. Limiting screen use is practicing self-restraint, saying no to something that is tempting and addicting. Learning how to stop themselves, with something as addictive as games, will hopefully help them practice self-restraint in other areas of their lives in the future.
4. I want them to take a break from quick and easy accomplishments, so that they understand that real progress takes time and effort. Real vegetables take months to grow, not the 10 hours that they take in a farming game. Real money takes years to earn and save up, it doesn't just appear daily, or hourly, for you to collect without any real work. Real robots take a lot of education, trial-and-error, and experimentation to build, not the 10-20 minutes it takes to drag and drop parts together to make some video robot work. I've noticed that we have a lot of toys or projects that would take some time to put together, or to build the project, but the kids lose interest if it's not done quickly enough, or if we hit setbacks while putting things together. What happened to kids spending hours building Erector sets? Those things are not easy to put together, but are really cool and help build small motor skills, engineering knowledge, and spatial relation skills. They take a lot of time to put together. I think the instant gratification that comes with games is making the kids more and more impatient, and less likely to work hard toward a long-term goal.
5. When they are on electronic devices, they seem to lose their ability to act civilly and forget how to interact with real people. I find that the more they are on the screens, they more they are unaware of other people around them. They don't realize they are being rude or insensitive or disrespectful. They don't talk politely or think about what other's are thinking or feeling. They talk back more, and are short-tempered. My theory is that they have gotten so used to a device which has no emotions, which they can get angry at and groan at and yell at, that they forget that when they do the same thing to others, people's feelings get hurt. When they spend time with real people, they get better at relating to others. There's a few games that kids can play together, but many of the games are single-player games, which means they're not playing with other kids or each other, and they lose that opportunity for social interaction. They may all be playing next to each other, with separate devices, but they're not actually WITH each other.
6. Their thoughts are consumed by their virtual world, and I'd rather they think more about the real world. They are so caught up in the drama of someone's clan beating them, or missing out on daily apple they could have collected, or upgrading their troops or tanks, or someone else using up their 'power-ups' on their game. Really? Are these that important in life? There are sad, lonely, poor, sick, hurting people in the world. There are wars going on. Can they really do anything about it? Probably not. Maybe those are too abstract for the kids, but even being concerned about 'everyday' real world things would be nice-an upcoming family birthday, when to practice their instruments, what are we having for dinner, seeing a mess and cleaning it up, etc. They could spend less time thinking about their game worlds, and more time thinking about the real world.
7. It's one less thing for them to bicker and whine about. They bicker enough as it is, but to add arguments over whose turn it is to play on the iPad, or who messed up someone else's game, or who is better at the game or who is messing up their game statistics by losing too often...well, I just want to minimize the bickering. There's plenty else they can bicker about. It's also contributes to a lot of whining and begging. There's really not much else they will BEG for, and it's just not fun to deal with on a daily basis.
8. Electronic games often leave little room for creativity. I'll admit, Minecraft does have a creative element to it, if they take it that direction. But it could also just be fighting zombies and throwing virtual snowballs at each other. Most games that my kids play aren't the type that allows them to create. It's just playing through someone else's constructs. It's fine for some brain breaks, but when they jump from one mind-numbing game to another, to another...when do they actually USE their brains?
9. We'd like more family time together. We're limited in the time we have with each other and it's unfortunate that a lot of those hours are spent doing separate things, on separate devices. The kids are growing up so fast, and I don't want these years to pass by and think, "I wish we had done more things together."
10. Electronics seems to contribute to the kids short attention span. I don't have scientific proof of this, but I think the quick access to lots of different games (like channel surfing) and the bombardment of visual stimulation leads them to expect things to always be quick paced, grabbing their attention in short spurts. They get bored with one game and immediately can start another. I think it makes it hard for them to sit through things that aren't so fast-paced, like a dinner out at a restaurant, or enjoying the scenery on a hike, or sitting through a lesson. It's like they constantly need stimulation, or they get antsy.
So, there's 10 reasons. I guess it's debatable whether they are "good" reasons or not. When things are getting hairy (as in, I'm about to give in to their demands for screen time), I'll have to remind myself of why we are doing this.
1. I'd like to clear up time for them to do other things besides video games. When their free time only amounts to about 1-3 hours a day, (not consecutive hours either) with school work, activities, meals, personal hygiene, errands, helping around the house, social events, etc., screen time can fill up a big chunk of that 'free' time. When else would they have time to explore other games, toys, books, and interaction?
2. I would rather they have more than one way to handle boredom/down-time/entertainment. Electronic devices have become the default answer to 'What are we going to do next?' I'm not saying they never read or play outside, but 80-90% of the time, when there is free time, they'll reach for a video game.
3. It's too addictive. Games can go on FOREVER. There's always more coins to gather, more levels to reach, higher scores to attain, one more building to build. It's hard to stop, I know. They get so addicted that they can't put it down, after I repeatedly tell them to stop, until I'm so frustrated, and they're mad at me for making them get off. Limiting screen use is practicing self-restraint, saying no to something that is tempting and addicting. Learning how to stop themselves, with something as addictive as games, will hopefully help them practice self-restraint in other areas of their lives in the future.
4. I want them to take a break from quick and easy accomplishments, so that they understand that real progress takes time and effort. Real vegetables take months to grow, not the 10 hours that they take in a farming game. Real money takes years to earn and save up, it doesn't just appear daily, or hourly, for you to collect without any real work. Real robots take a lot of education, trial-and-error, and experimentation to build, not the 10-20 minutes it takes to drag and drop parts together to make some video robot work. I've noticed that we have a lot of toys or projects that would take some time to put together, or to build the project, but the kids lose interest if it's not done quickly enough, or if we hit setbacks while putting things together. What happened to kids spending hours building Erector sets? Those things are not easy to put together, but are really cool and help build small motor skills, engineering knowledge, and spatial relation skills. They take a lot of time to put together. I think the instant gratification that comes with games is making the kids more and more impatient, and less likely to work hard toward a long-term goal.
5. When they are on electronic devices, they seem to lose their ability to act civilly and forget how to interact with real people. I find that the more they are on the screens, they more they are unaware of other people around them. They don't realize they are being rude or insensitive or disrespectful. They don't talk politely or think about what other's are thinking or feeling. They talk back more, and are short-tempered. My theory is that they have gotten so used to a device which has no emotions, which they can get angry at and groan at and yell at, that they forget that when they do the same thing to others, people's feelings get hurt. When they spend time with real people, they get better at relating to others. There's a few games that kids can play together, but many of the games are single-player games, which means they're not playing with other kids or each other, and they lose that opportunity for social interaction. They may all be playing next to each other, with separate devices, but they're not actually WITH each other.
6. Their thoughts are consumed by their virtual world, and I'd rather they think more about the real world. They are so caught up in the drama of someone's clan beating them, or missing out on daily apple they could have collected, or upgrading their troops or tanks, or someone else using up their 'power-ups' on their game. Really? Are these that important in life? There are sad, lonely, poor, sick, hurting people in the world. There are wars going on. Can they really do anything about it? Probably not. Maybe those are too abstract for the kids, but even being concerned about 'everyday' real world things would be nice-an upcoming family birthday, when to practice their instruments, what are we having for dinner, seeing a mess and cleaning it up, etc. They could spend less time thinking about their game worlds, and more time thinking about the real world.
7. It's one less thing for them to bicker and whine about. They bicker enough as it is, but to add arguments over whose turn it is to play on the iPad, or who messed up someone else's game, or who is better at the game or who is messing up their game statistics by losing too often...well, I just want to minimize the bickering. There's plenty else they can bicker about. It's also contributes to a lot of whining and begging. There's really not much else they will BEG for, and it's just not fun to deal with on a daily basis.
8. Electronic games often leave little room for creativity. I'll admit, Minecraft does have a creative element to it, if they take it that direction. But it could also just be fighting zombies and throwing virtual snowballs at each other. Most games that my kids play aren't the type that allows them to create. It's just playing through someone else's constructs. It's fine for some brain breaks, but when they jump from one mind-numbing game to another, to another...when do they actually USE their brains?
9. We'd like more family time together. We're limited in the time we have with each other and it's unfortunate that a lot of those hours are spent doing separate things, on separate devices. The kids are growing up so fast, and I don't want these years to pass by and think, "I wish we had done more things together."
10. Electronics seems to contribute to the kids short attention span. I don't have scientific proof of this, but I think the quick access to lots of different games (like channel surfing) and the bombardment of visual stimulation leads them to expect things to always be quick paced, grabbing their attention in short spurts. They get bored with one game and immediately can start another. I think it makes it hard for them to sit through things that aren't so fast-paced, like a dinner out at a restaurant, or enjoying the scenery on a hike, or sitting through a lesson. It's like they constantly need stimulation, or they get antsy.
So, there's 10 reasons. I guess it's debatable whether they are "good" reasons or not. When things are getting hairy (as in, I'm about to give in to their demands for screen time), I'll have to remind myself of why we are doing this.
Sunday, February 9, 2014
She's Right
Among the many protests about this screen-free experiment, E pointed out that it's unfair, that THEY can't use screens, but WE can. She went on and on about how when she comes downstairs after going to bed, we're always on Facebook or email, or watching "Parenthood" (no, we don't actually watch that every day, just me, on Thursday nights, but it's the only TV show that she's aware of). And she pointed out how often, when she asks me for something, but I'm on the computer, and I'll say, 'Wait, not now, I need to finish this email.' Or I'll start a round of Scramble and then when I'm finished with that, I'll start another...and then open up Scrabble...
OK, she's right. I had to admit that. We play games on the iPad. I surf the internet and check Facebook like 30 times a day. I send out emails whenever I feel like it. So along with our kids, we're going to try to reduce our use too. We were NOWHERE close to the distracted, tunnel-vision use that our kids were at, but yes, there were times, when I just got cranky with the kids because I was reading some article on the internet, and didn't want to stop. Did I HAVE to read it right then and there? No. Did I have to play my turn of Scrabble right then? No. I do have this compulsion to check email alot, or Facebook...maybe wondering if I'm missing some important piece of news or a request. I also have a compulsion of replying to emails as soon as I can. The first thing I do in the morning is check email and Facebook. Throughout the day, I'm checking on the computer, the iPad and my phone. Is this really necessary? No.
So we're going on the same journey to change our habits as well. There's a caveat though. My job is completely computer-based. So during work hours, yes, I will have to be attached to a screen, but otherwise, I'm going to try to put the devices down, and not be checking my mail throughout the day. That means I won't be replying to emails as quickly, and it means I will probably miss alot more Facebook posts (hm, maybe that's not such a bad thing.) And it probably means I should stop blogging right now as the kids are asking me why I'm on the computer when they aren't allowed to.
OK, she's right. I had to admit that. We play games on the iPad. I surf the internet and check Facebook like 30 times a day. I send out emails whenever I feel like it. So along with our kids, we're going to try to reduce our use too. We were NOWHERE close to the distracted, tunnel-vision use that our kids were at, but yes, there were times, when I just got cranky with the kids because I was reading some article on the internet, and didn't want to stop. Did I HAVE to read it right then and there? No. Did I have to play my turn of Scrabble right then? No. I do have this compulsion to check email alot, or Facebook...maybe wondering if I'm missing some important piece of news or a request. I also have a compulsion of replying to emails as soon as I can. The first thing I do in the morning is check email and Facebook. Throughout the day, I'm checking on the computer, the iPad and my phone. Is this really necessary? No.
So we're going on the same journey to change our habits as well. There's a caveat though. My job is completely computer-based. So during work hours, yes, I will have to be attached to a screen, but otherwise, I'm going to try to put the devices down, and not be checking my mail throughout the day. That means I won't be replying to emails as quickly, and it means I will probably miss alot more Facebook posts (hm, maybe that's not such a bad thing.) And it probably means I should stop blogging right now as the kids are asking me why I'm on the computer when they aren't allowed to.
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